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Posts Tagged ‘Coaching’

 

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.  This was a  memorable line in the movie, Moulin Rouge.

I am sitting at this beautiful park in the middle of a National Forrest in Ocala, Florida.  The weather is warm and sunny.  My partner and I just enjoyed a swim in a hot spring near our campsite.  It’s been a relaxing and sensuous vacation–taking in the natural splendor of the green trees swaying in the gentle breeze and the many birds harmoniously chirping all around us–the perfect backdrop for love and romance.  All couples need time alone to cultivate intimacy and to share affection.  The longer you’ve been together the greater the necessity, because familiarity tends to breed contempt or at the very least inertia.

Romantic gestures are easy when you just start a new relationship.  When the thrill of discovering the intricacies of another person becomes your greatest concern and delight.  It’s called the honeymoon effect.  Your mind is filled with wonder and happiness fills your heart.  You feel energetic and think anything is possible.  The trick is to keep this feeling alive all the time.  We can love all aspects of our life, not just the pursuit of a new partner.

Dr. Bruce Lipton said that when he muscle tested people on the question, Do you love yourself, a surprising 80% tested negatively.  If we were brought up in a critical environment chances are good that we don’t love our self.  We were programmed from our family, church and schools to think we are unworthy of love due to some flaw or weakness.  We have to change our negative beliefs about ourselves and then we will be able to create more loving relationships.  Quiet the mind and live in our hearts.  The heart doesn’t judge and criticize, it just loves.

How many of us can look in the mirror each day and say “I love you”?  I don’t have an easy time at it.  Yet, all we really want in life is to be loved.  How do we expect to attract someone to love us, if we can’t give that love to ourself first?  If that’s the case for you, take a hand mirror and stare into your eyes for 20 minutes a day, until you get to the point that you can say those three words and truly mean it.  Compassion will fill your eyes when you finally get how truly lovable you are.  We are born in the image of God, what’s not to love?  We are magnificent beings and deserving of all the goodness life has to offer.

I was in a bathroom stall here at the campsite and I saw a graffiti drawing of a heart with an exclamation point.  This provoked me to inquire deeper into the idea of love as an action, not just a feeling.  Being committed to serving other people day after day with joyfulness, even in difficult circumstances.  Our loved ones know us so well and have a knack at pressing our buttons.  We may want to run and hide when that happens or to strike back, instead count to ten and see each offense as an opportunity to answer a call for love.  Usually when someone is treating you badly, it’s because they are unhappy about something.  We can patiently wait with a calm presence until they find their center again.  It’s called holding the space.  After all, there will be times when you may want to act out and wouldn’t it be nice if you set the precedent for loving kindness first?  Then when it’s your time, they will return the favor, that is, if they’re mature enough to know how.

I remember my ex mother-in-law saying that every couple hits a bump in the road at some point in their relationship, and that some people grow together from the experience and some grow apart.  She said that ultimately you don’t know the strength of your relationship until you pass that test.  When my marriage hit that bump we didn’t have what it took to stay together.  My current partner and I have hit a few bumps and we keep growing closer from each trial and tribulation we face together.

No matter what happens in life, be it divorce or some other rift in our close relationships…we always have a choice to continue to love others.  And just because you may not be speaking with loved ones doesn’t mean you stop loving them.  I keep everyone in my heart and pray unendingly for their health, happiness and peace.  That is the true definition of unconditional love, when it can be given freely regardless of the situation.  Wanting the best for everyone.  Sometimes the most loving act we can do for another is to set them free and wish them well.  Many relationships have expiration dates and if we’re honest with ourselves we know when it’s time to move on.

We are constantly getting the opportunity to test our ability to love.  A Course In Miracles says that there are only two emotions, love and fear, and that you cannot experience them at the same time.  If we are thinking any thoughts that are pulling us from the love energy, it means we are allowing ourselves to reside in fear energy.  God is never separate from us, we only think He is because we aren’t allowing ourselves to feel His presence.  The same with love, it waits patiently for us to return to our hearts instead of in our heads which tells us a zillion reasons not to love.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  ~Rumi

 

The other day I became disappointed with my beloved when he shaved off his beard.  We hold love back when we place conditions on it.  How many of us do this with our lists of what we want our partner to look and act like.  I have a few guy friends who are single and wish they were in a relationship.  However, when I ask them what they’re looking for they are very specific with physical traits, like she has to be thin and pretty.

 

We must love deeply like a poet and seek it like a thirsty person seeks water.  See each person through the eyes of God and recognize their inner beauty.  Love like a mother holding her newborn baby, seeing the miracle of life in all it’s splendor.

 

How can we be more loving?  We can start by saying I love you to our family and friends, never leave without giving a hug and wishing each person many blessings.  Choose to resolve our differences with acceptance, offer to lend a hand to those in need, say thank you, cuddle more, be courteous and respectful, forgive easily, say I’m sorry, be encouraging and supportive.  This can be a lifelong process.  Keep finding more ways to love.

 

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”  Like John Lennon promoted back in the 60’s, make love, not war.  If we all behaved like newlyweds, life would be beautiful and people would be happy.  Love heals all and is the answer to all our problems.  It really is that simple.  Just love.

 

 

Sitaji Devi is a Professional Astrologer and Psychic Medium in Farmington, Maine offering “life coaching” Readings.  Her website is www.Sitaji.com.  Call (207) 491-2313 or email sitajidevi@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment.

 

 

 

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“Take the world as it is, not as it ought to be.”  ~ a German Proverb

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned.  I heard this joke once.  Do you want to make God laugh?  Tell Him your plans!

When I was a child I wanted to be a ballerina and a veterinarian.  As I grew older I decided I wanted to be an artist and own my own gallery and travel the world.  Instead I forgot all this and happily became a wife and mother in my twenties.  I fully bought into the American Dream scenario and felt very fulfilled having a house, husband, children and the occasional vacation.  However this fairy tale life was short lived and in my early thirties I became a young divorcee and began shuttling my kids back and forth to their two homes and faced the stress of being a single mother.

Dale Carnegie said, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  That’s exactly what I did.  Having free time on my hands every other weekend, I decided to enrich my soul and started taking art classes and joining a meditation group.  I began to rediscover myself independent of family life and interestingly returned to doing many of the things I enjoyed as a child like traveling, dancing and spiritual studies.

I also successfully learned how to share my children with people I didn’t know.  They would come home and talk all about their new adventures in New York City.  I had to let go of my fears that they would come into harm’s way because I wasn’t there to ensure their safety every minute of the day.  (They were under 5 when this started.)  The key phrase here is I had to let go.  I surrendered the situation to God and asked the angels to watch over them.  If I didn’t I would have suffered tremendously thinking about them running into traffic or getting kidnapped.  Next, I had to release the desire of being their only mommy–they got a step-mom shortly after the divorce.

Ultimately, I had to stop needing to be their mother all together due to differing religious and sociological viewpoints.  We have been estranged for over a year now.  Certainly not part of my original plan when I got married and decided to have children.  Fate can be cruel.  But we choose to have experiences in order to grow our soul.  Karma has to be repaid eventually.

Therefore it is essential to be adaptable.  Which is defined as the ability to adjust to new conditions and circumstances.  Change is constant in this world.  What are you holding onto?  If you’re suffering in any way, it would be due to some resistance to the inevitable flux of your surroundings.  The Universe will give us many opportunities to release our rigidity.  Like the trees in the forest, if they can’t bend when a strong wind comes, they will break.  I for one don’t want to be broken in half, so I learned to adjust.  What’s the alternative, to become jaded, bitter and cynical or lose your mind completely and go insane?  No thank you.  I’ll keep a positive attitude and hope for the best.

What happens to a person is characteristic of him.  He presents a pattern and all the pieces fit.  One by one, as his life proceeds, they fall into place according to some preordained design.  ~Carl Jung

When we can rise above our situation and look at it from a bird’s eye perspective then we are able to see the bigger picture.  Once we know that there is a divine reason for everything that happens here on earth, then we can relax and accept the outcome.

After I had my third child, I heard a voice say:  It is done.  I thought it meant my marriage which believe me was disconcerting enough at the time but I accepted it and was grateful for the heads up from my Higher Self.  It turned out to be more-my marital home and the children too.  The house went easily enough, but the kids were a harder pill to swallow.  It took me 5-10 years to accept that one fully.

More and more people are being asked by something greater than themselves to make the changes in life that are necessary for their highest good and along those lines hefty sacrifices are being made, like giving up our comfortable roles and identities that we have for so long grown accustomed to.  If we are to evolve to a higher consciousness in these remaining months then radical transformation may be necessary.

Just like if you’re about to submerge into the cold waters in Maine.  At first it feels impossible to even keep your feet in for any length of time.  Then you get really hot in the summer so you jump in, swim around and after a while you acclimatize to the coldness and really enjoy it.  If we’re open to all experiences in life then you won’t need it to be anything but what it is, and you’ll find a way to enjoy it.  It’s called going with the flow.

I guess the moral of this story is accept your destiny and find a way to keep on living a fulfilling and joyful existence.  Remain loving but detached and trust the process of your life.

Sitaji Devi is a Professional Astrologer and Psychic Medium in Farmington, Maine offering “life coaching” Readings.  Her website is www.Sitaji.com.  Call (207) 491-2313 or email sitajidevi@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment.

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Forgiveness & Rememberance

Forgiveness & Rememberance (Photo credit: alex drennan)

The only way to get free of the past is by letting it go.  Completely!  Forgiveness can change your life.

 

How many of us walk around each day with a knitted brow, thinking how others have done us wrong?  Haunted by the past.  Angry or upset.  Unable to enjoy our life fully because we can’t let go of some injustice that was done to us.  Oh sure we have other more pleasant moments too, but underneath still resentful or worse vengeful towards someone who hurt us when we were younger or just the other day.  I heard a Unity Minister once say, true forgiveness is never telling your story again.  Stop complaining and move on.  A real example of forgive and forget, as they say.  A radical concept when taken seriously.  When you allow yourself to forget your “sad story” and stop recounting it to anyone who will listen, it automatically is forgiven because you can’t remember it anymore.  It’s over.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that you condone what happened to you.  You just choose to forget about it and go on with your life.

 

Sure easy to say, but harder to do.  This may be one of the hardest lessons to learn, but once you achieve success with forgiveness, then you will be truly free to enjoy your life.  I say this from experience.  The benefits of forgiveness are huge, good for the body as well as the Soul.  There have been studies done to show the negative effects the stress of prolonged unforgiveness has on the body.  Two in particular are increased risk of heart disease and mental illness.  Those who forgive were found to generally have lower blood pressure, less anxiety and depressive symptoms and better overall health as they got older.

 

A lot of our grievances are directed at others, but, the hardest one to forgive ultimately usually is our self.  We don’t even realize how angry we actually are at ourselves.  It could be for numerous reasons, like not becoming the person we were meant to be or something we said or did to another that we feel badly about.

 

I remember when I first got exposed to the idea that forgiveness has the potential of setting a person free.  It was a number of years ago and I was in a very bad place emotionally, remembering unpleasant details about my childhood and I was listening to a tape by Caroline Myss called, “Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can” and she said that the only way to get free of the past is to forgive the person who hurt you.  I started to cry uncontrollably because at that moment I thought that I would never be able to forgive this person.  I thought I’d be doomed to this depression I was in for the rest of my life.  As it turned out though, many months later I did end up forgiving this person and I felt this amazing relief and it was like a rebirth to finally be free of my past.  I felt happier and my body got healthier as a result.  My depression went away.  I don’t know how that person is dealing with his thoughts about it, I don’t know if he’s forgiven himself, but it’s not necessary to even think about that because the true change and healing is for yourself.  We cannot change another, only ourselves.  If we don’t forgive, we’re really only hurting ourselves.  That other person probably isn’t even thinking about it anymore.

 

Even when you think you have done all the forgiving you need to do, something will turn up that needs to be addressed.  This happened to me just recently, a new piece of information came flooding back to me about my childhood and I saw more people I needed to forgive.  Our mind has a way of remembering things when we’re ready.  It’s like a spiral climbing up to the heavens, as we go higher and higher in our purification and healing process, through modalities such as meditation and all forms of therapeutic healing, our degree of awareness becomes greater.  However, as we forgive each offense, it becomes easier and easier to do.

 

The clearer we get emotionally, the more we can see and sometimes what we see is quite horrendous, but it’s necessary to look at it all and process our feelings and thoughts and realize that it’s not even real now, it’s just an unfortunate memory from the past to be released back into the nothingness that it came from.  Or at least that’s how I like to look at it.  Plus, the person who hurt you was hurting too and chose to take it out on you for one reason or another.

 

A Course In Miracles says that Only Love is Real, Everything Else is Just a Call for Love.

 

Try to look at negative life experiences as karmic lessons in this place I like to call Earth School, we all have light and dark within us, it’s part of living in duality.  We’ve had numerous lifetimes sometimes heroic, sometimes destructive, sometimes somewhere in between.  That is all part of the reincarnational journey, if you’re a Christian you can see it as the Born Again aspect of this life, to descend into the darkness of this world and find our way back to the Light, back to God.  Integrating these experiences into a balanced state of oneness is a form of spiritual alchemy and from it comes great understanding and compassion.  So forgive your enemies.  After all, you’ve probably been their enemy in a past life or even in this life you’ve most likely done something to hurt them at one time or another.  Forgiveness sets us all free.

 

You don’t have to implement my philosophy regarding the reasons to forgive.  I like to use many schools of thought and some of it may be hard to digest.  Take what works and leave the rest.  It doesn’t matter how you get to this point of understanding, it’s just important to get there.  Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  Making you a happier and healthier person and then the whole world gets to benefit because positive energy is life enhancing and makes the world a better place.

 

Sitaji Devi is a Professional Astrologer and Psychic Medium in Farmington, Maine offering “life coaching” Readings.  Her website is www.Sitaji.com.  Email or call sitajidevi@yahoo.com (207) 491-2313 to schedule appointments.

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Humor

Have you ever started to giggle and someone around you would laugh as well, not even knowing what was funny?  Laughter is contagious.  If you disagree, just try to keep a straight face while other people are hysterically laughing around you.  If you don’t end up laughing or at least smiling, you may be taking life a little too seriously.

 If you find it hard to laugh, it could be for many reasons.  You may feel embarrassed and self conscious about how you would look or sound if you burst out laughing.  I remember my first reaction when I was younger and saw my in-laws laughing at a funny movie we were watching — they were throwing their heads back and convulsing all over the place, cackling and snorting — I thought they looked very odd.  I hadn’t experienced that kind of behavior before.  My parents acted more conservative and refined.  Another explanation could be because of a punishment you received as a child.  I remember my father saying, wipe that smile off your face or I’ll do it for you.  A threat he made due to my finding humor in something he said while he was reprimanding me.  A further possibility could be that you suffer from inappropriate giggles, like when you’re in a somber situation, like a funeral, and you find something funny about it.  I remember I had this friend in high school who used to make me laugh at the most ill-advised times.  Usually when the principal was speaking in school or some other authority figure was trying to assert control.  We would be losing our composure due to the other’s facial expressions.  I think we lost recess priviledges a lot.  So it’s understandable if laughter doesn’t come easily for some. If however, you’re tired of being subdued and somber and you’d like to revive your funny bone, there are many ways to do this.  I heard a Unity Minister say, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” which can mean for these purposes that if you don’t have a sense of humor then pretend you do.  Teach yourself how to laugh.  There’s a new form of yoga that came over from India where all you do for 30 minutes is laugh.  It’s called Laughter Yoga, I have the dvd which consists of many exercises comprised of hand gestures and sounds that help you to laugh.  You may feel silly doing it, but the rewards are numerous, and you can do it in the privacy of your own home.  I believe some yoga studios in Portland have these types of classes, if you’d prefer to laugh with a group.  You could also go to see more movies that are comedies.  Whenever I’m feeling stressed out or sad I will go see a funny movie to raise my spirits and feel better.  It’s amazing how fast my attitude will improve when I let go of my problem and immerse myself in a comedy.  Other helpful suggestions could be to surround yourself with funny people, read the Sunday comics and frequent comedy clubs.  Cats and dogs can be very entertaining, especially when they’re little, it can be very funny to watch a kitten’s curious antics.  If you have access to a computer, there’s also some hilarious youtube videos.  One that we really enjoy is called “justforlaughstv”, where they do harmless gags and pranks.

Humor can transform any negative state of mind quickly by giving a more relaxed and balanced perspective from a place of levity.  Whenever I wanted to get my child out of a bad mood, I would tickle him.  Children love to be tickled.  He’d start laughing and forget all about why he was angry.  Worked every time.  Try it with a friend and see.  Usually adults can appreciate a good joke more than an actual tickle but, it could be fun trying.

It’s important to become more whimsical and playful — it’s good for the Soul.  Christ said become like little children to return to the kingdom of heaven.  I think that means bring back our sense of innocence.  Don’t take life so seriously.  Have more fun.  I read somewhere that children laugh on average about 300 times a day and adults only 5 times a day — no wonder that children have so much energy and can play and run around for hours.

Laughter is also good for your health.  Studies have shown that laughter strengthens your immune system, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress.  A good, hearty laugh can relieve physical tension by relaxing your muscles for up to 45 minutes.  It also triggers the release of endorphins which are the “feel-good” chemicals in the body and who wouldn’t want more of that?  A man named Norman Cousins believed he healed himself of terminal cancer with laughter.  He watched slapstick films like Laurel & Hardy and laughed himself well.  Laughter really is the best medicine.  I was driving home the other day and getting fatigued after about 3 hours and my stomach was hurting from something I ate.  I decided to put my theories to the test and it worked.  I began to make myself laugh, thinking about funny things and within a few minutes I was feeling better.  I had more energy and my pain went away.

Don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself how much better you feel when you laugh.  It may even surprise you that as you start to see life through a more lighthearted approach, the people around you will too.  Before you know it, all your relationships will improve and life will become a little sweeter.  It’s worth a try!

Sitaji Devi is a Professional Astrologer and Psychic Medium in Farmington, Maine offering “life coaching” Readings.  Her website is www.Sitaji.com.  Call (207) 491-2313 or email sitajidevi@yahoo.com to schedule an appointment.

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